punkbonnibel:

I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver

carbonfiberpersonality:

elizarumm:

one-time-i-dreamt:

A girl I liked convinced me to stab a man, so I did. Felt guilty for a bit, then promptly forgot about it and walked around with the murder weapon for a couple of hours, going about my business, walking my dog. Eventually I was cornered by a plainclothes police officer who asked me why I had a bloody knife; I told him I was looking after it for my bogan cousin. He said, “You’re under arrest,” and I was like,, “No, I’m not, watch this,” and then I woke up.

that’s a goddamned power move

fjordfjucks:

amyhasallmyuwus:

is this a brooklyn 99 cold open